My biggest mistake. Gulp.
Transparency, authenticity, bravery…new fad words in the realm of self help and personal development. I did a course called The Wisdom Of Story about a year ago, it is a taught by Glennon Doyle Melton and Brene Brown, both of who I love. It was a great series of lessons in digging deep. One of the questions asked about our brutiful story (brutiful is a Glennon made up word combining brutal and beautiful and relates to how difficult things hold beauty within them. This is, copy and paste, exactly what I wrote then:
My brutiful adventure is listening to the call and rewiring the structure of my professional life to align with my calling. I am being asked to look deep, look hard and throw out all the shit that doesn’t fit. I am fighting it. I don’t want to change things. I recently had a dream where I told myself that what comes next requires a radical change. I woke up in a sweat and couldn’t get back to sleep.
That was in March 2016. I am still going through this same process. I am at a different stage now, but it is still happening anyway. I looked deep changed some things and started changing others. I worked (am working?) through my fear of being judged. I put myself out there, knowing that haters gonna hate no matter what I write, say or wear.
Even after all of this, with all the knowledge I have, the books I’ve read and the people I have taught and learned from – I make mistakes every day. My biggest mistake is that I forget to remember to let myself make mistakes. I learn the same lessons over and over and when they pop back up again I don’t always recognize them right away. Then, once I do recognize them, instead of moving through them smoothly, I berate myself for not noticing it earlier.
My biggest mistake is that I don’t allow myself the space to f up.
There is a theory when it comes to language learning that only after you need to search for and use a particular word 7 times do you actually learn it. 7 times. Not just memorizing and repeating 7 times but being in a situation where you cannot express yourself and being forced to look a word up, and then use it.. on 7 different occasions. Think about what that means for other life lessons. If we can’t even learn a new word with just one try, why do we think we only need a life lesson once?
This past year or two, going through a professional and personal upheaval in search for the best way to serve my patients and the people around me, I found my notes from a yoga teacher training I did in Costa Rica in 2010. I wrote “I just want to teach people the skills they need to take care of themselves well and not be so afraid of their health and wellbeing”. In 2011. I am still working on creating this for people. I haven’t been consistent. I have forgotten this 1000 times and remembered it 1000 other times.
You guys. We need time. Things need to percolate. Don’t give up on dreams and plans because they don’t pan out right away. Keep a journal or a blog, even a private one for your thoughts so that you can revisit it at any time and remember who you are. The ways you are meant to live and function in the world have been passing through you, repeatedly, for years. They have become the soundtrack running in the background of your life without you even noticing. Find the pattern and then follow the breadcrumbs it leads toward your dreams.