Catharsis. She’s a bitch.

 

I cried last night. Youtube was a great help. Give me a few motivational or moving videos and I’m off. It probably wasn’t enough. I went to sleep at 10:45 and woke up at 6:15. There was a knock at the door because the Ananda staff is amazing and they wake us up to give us a pot of ginger lemon honey tea to start the day. The plan was to drink my tea, get my morning started and head down to 7:15 yoga. My stomach said “No way lady”. Bouts of intestinal cramps kept me just where I was.

About 8:30 I head to the pool, I just wanted to lay in the warm sun. Did that for a bit, had some breakfast and then back to the pool. My body is so weak that I couldn’t even talk to my friend. Zero comprehension from my side. It felt like my brain was sloshing around inside my head. All the while, I am noticing how much I hold my stomach, right in the solar plexus. In addition to that, every 20-30 minutes another cramp comes by and leaves me breathless.. Interrupting my lovely breathing patterns even more.

 

After resting it was time for a yoga and pranayama session. It was supposed to be an hour and half. I lasted about 45 minutes before I burst into tears. I sobbed, aching sobs, from the pits of my stomach for about 10 minutes. Sandeep sat quietly and reminded me it was ok to let it out. He asked if I was crying because I was uncomfortable. On some level, that sounded like a great excuse, but I knew it wasn’t true. I don’t know where these tears of from, but they are old. Like a whole lifetime old.

 

To make this all more fun, I’ve been burping all day too. I guess when it’s time to finally come out, it just does. I am so grateful to be here to do this. This is the only thing I need to concentrate on. The surroundings are safe and beautiful. The people are kind and gentle. No one looks twice at me walking slower than a sloth. I’ve never walked so slowly in my life and I literally cannot go any faster.

 

Catharsis. She’s a bitch.

 

Any good letting it all out stories? I need some company to pass the time.

 

XO

C

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