Own your shit. The dark side. Your inner Darth Vader. We all have one. The version of yourself that you aren’t that fond of. The thoughts you have that you don’t want to admit, even to yourself, never mind to other people. The moments where you think: If people knew I did this, they’d run, far and fast.

Here’s the thing. You CANNOT OUTRUN YOURSELF.


No matter what you do, no matter where you are, you bring yourself with you. Believe me, I’ve tried. I’ve run all over the globe reinventing myself, running successful businesses, making a name for myself – and yet, the bits I’m not too fond of? I still see them, feel them, act them out even when I’m embarrassed by them.

In my particular instance, the bits I’m afraid of are part of the reason for my success. My ability to speak truth to bullshit gets me in a lot of trouble but saves my patients and clients years of work and self-torture.

My ability to speak truth to bullshit gets me in a lot of trouble but saves my patients and clients years of work and self-torture.

Cait Donovan



This is not about transformation and overcoming your bad habits, or learning to love yourself. It’s about disliking parts of yourself and moving on through life anyway. It’s about owning up to your responsibility in situations in your life, without adding guilt and blame. It’s about knowing who you are and what swords you wield, without getting overly judgy about it. It’s about saying, yes, sometimes I don’t like myself but then shrugging your shoulders and moving on.

This is not about using positivity as a shield to hide behind. I do not love the part of myself that snacks on processed sugar when she’s overly emotional. Which is, like, every day. I do not like the girl that gets too blunt, she makes me nervous, even though my patients thank her for their biggest breakthroughs. I do not like the Fall River voice that lives in my head. She’s so judgy and always has something snarky to say.

But I do know she’s there and I don’t pretend she’s not. (well, not all the time anyway ;)). I just recently sent the Filter Method to a patient as asked her to use it on some stories in her life. For those not in the know, the Filter Method is the process I use with clients to help them reframe their stories in Real Talk Positivity. She wrote her story and sent it to me, beforehand letting me know that she couldn’t see an obvious filter to shift.

I do not love the part of myself that snacks on processed sugar when she’s overly emotional. Which is, like, every day. I do not like the girl that gets too blunt, she makes me nervous, even though my patients thank her for their biggest breakthroughs. I do not like the Fall River voice that lives in my head. She’s so judgy and always has something snarky to say.

Cait Donovan


When I read her story, her filter hit me right in the face. She seemed to be saying to the world: Look! I’m this innocent person and these bad things happened to me, but I persevered! Look at my strength! Praise me! See me!

So, I asked her a simple question, “What do these stories say about you as a person” and her reply? “These stories say that I am generous, forgiving, kind,…”. You get the story. She was holding onto stories that happened to her in her teenage years and had yet to take responsibility for her parts, for her inner Darth Vader.



This, my friends, is positivity gone wrong.

If you’re using positive speech or positive thinking to avoid yourself, it’s doing the opposite of helping you. You know the old adage “everything in moderation”? Well, even positivity should come in moderation.

If you’re using positive speech or positive thinking to avoid yourself, it’s doing the opposite of helping you. You know the old adage “everything in moderation”? Well, even positivity should come in moderation.


The reason I fall back so much on my Chinese medicine training during coaching sessions is because Chinese medicine makes the world make sense. In the simple yin yang symbol (really called the Taichi), you are meant to be reminded that nothing in the world exists without the seed of its opposite.

I know that so many people are stuck on a broken record of chastising themselves for everything, this is the opposite end and isn’t useful either. What we don’t realize is that the ‘positive’ side is just as bad. It sets you up to cut off parts of yourself that you don’t want to see. It makes you a victim (everything always happens to me!) or a martyr (no one notices how good I am to them!) and keeps you stuck in a cycle of feeling resentful, blamey, and just ugh.

So, if you could face one thing about yourself today – what would it be?

You don’t have to love it, or even accept it right away, just notice it like the massive stress zit growing on my chin currently. The zit isn’t a part of me that will last forever and if you start to embrace your inner zit, it might just shift enough so that you don’t hate it anymore.

XO

C

caitdonovan.com blog post being a witch in 2018

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